Here to Listen

It is hard to believe, but I have been in Namibia just over one month now. Time is really passing quickly. At FHS I have been working with the grades 4-7 remedial program (the students who are not in school). It has been a great privilege getting to know these students. Despite their trying pasts and current difficult conditions, some exhibit strong resilience, joy, and hope for the future. Others sadly, seem to have given up. Regardless, they are all in need of the love that Jesus offers. They are in need of encouragement. They are in need of words which will build them up, rather than tell them they are nothing which many are so used to hearing. 

The Lord is daily opening my eyes to the realities of the children around me. Trust is not something that comes easily to most of the older students. Many have been lied to, abused, and abandoned by those who should be their biggest sources of love and encouragement. The Lord has done an amazing work; He has opened many doors. I feel truly honored to have earned the trust of many of my students, and blessed for gift to be a listening ear for them to share their struggles. These past couple weeks I have been so thankful for and reliant on, the Lord's strength. My heart breaks daily as I get to know my students more and learn about their lives. Out of this state of brokenness, the Lord has grown my heart, and I have come to love these students more than I thought was even possible. 

I would like to share with you a bit of one of the wonderful conversations I have had with my grade six student, Sienna*. I have worked with Sienna since my very first day at FHS. She is a quiet-spirited girl who loves school. Though she is in need of extra help and attention, she works very hard and does very well. One morning many students were gone to get vaccines, so Sienna and I had the opportunity to spend an hour just the two of us. My initial thought was "Great! We can cover so much material since we are behind the other schools." The Lord however had a different plan. A much better plan. 

That morning I could tell Sienna was very distracted. Not wanting to pressure her to share anything, I began teaching  as usual. Out of the blue she asked with the most sad expression, "Teacher, when you go back to Canada, you will never come come back?"  Instantly my heart was heavy. I was touched by the fact that she cared about me and would miss me, but more than that, I was saddened, because though I have no idea what the Lord has in store next, she could very well be right. She continued talking, saying that one day, she will come to America and Canada. I pray that she might one day realize that dream. 

I reminded Sienna about how much God loves her, and that she is so very precious to Him. She began asking me many questions about what happens when we die. She was very curious. I took out my Bible and together we read some different verses. We talked about Romans 3:23 which says "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and talked about how we are all in need of God's love and forgiveness for the many things we do wrong. We talked about Jesus' death on the cross, asking for forgiveness and how His death has paid for all our wrongs. We talked about believing and trusting in Him, and following Him with our lives. 

Sienna continued talking and sharing with me about her family. She was most excited that her parents have finally decided to get married in October. This will be her first time attending a wedding. Her parents have called the wedding on and off many times, but now her father has stopped drinking, and both he and her mother have gotten jobs working at fixing and cleaning things at the church she attends. I asked her if she liked going to church. "Very much Teacher," she said, "I go every Sunday. It is very nice". I asked if she was glad her father stopped drinking. She nodded and replied with a most sincere "yes". ( Like in many areas of poverty worldwide, drinking is a huge issue here in Katutura). 

Speaking more about her home life, I learned about Sienna's older brother, sister, and younger brother. She explained how happy she was that her parents are now working days so she does not have to be home at night with only her sister and younger brother. She said she hates hearing the gunshots when her parents are not home. I do wonder what expression came to my face as I heard her say those words. I cannot explain the feeling in my heart as this beautiful, kind, and gentle girl opened my eyes to a whole new world. I have always known this to be a reality for many, I have not lived inside a box, but when this precious 14 year old girl who I have grown to love so much, gazed at me with watery eyes, this reality moved from my head to my heart. 

"The gunshots Sienna, do you hear them a lot?" I asked the question while dreading the answer. "Yes," she answered, "every night". I asked her if she was afraid. The young girl paused, she was not sure how to answer the question. I could tell that part of her was afraid, but to my surprise I heard her reply "No". She said, "God decides when we will die. It could be today, I do not know. God knows, and when He says I will die, I will die." Though this girl would be seen very lowly in the eyes of the world, she inspires me as her wisdom far exceeds that of many. 

Sienna surprised me again saying, "Teacher, you must get me a Bible so I can read it and know what it says and what is right". What a privilege! With some funds given to me to use for the needs of the children here, I purchased Sienna a Bible and brought it to her the following week. She is so very thankful and is reading it everyday. She talked about really wanting to know the truth and to know God because not everyone does. She shared more about the shootings she hears at night. "They just go and shoot people. I don't think they know God, because they just shoot and shoot. They shoot my neighbor here (she put her fingers on her temple) and he dies. They shoot him. They always shoot". 

I was at a loss for words. Sienna was quiet for a few moments until she said "Teacher, I can't keep talking or I'll cry". Despite this statement she continued, tears now streaming down her face. I could tell she was desperate for someone to talk to, for someone to just listen to her and to what she was going through. She started telling me about a cousin who was killed on the 6th of May of this year. He was also shot, murdered. The tears really started flowing down her face. He was in the 9th grade and the family all had great hopes for his life, and had gathered around him to support him through school. He told Sienna that she too could make it like he was. He had told her that if she passed all her courses this year, he would give her a prize. We talked about how it is ok to be sad; that it is ok to cry. We talked about how even Jesus cried when His friend Lazarus died.       

Time had passed quickly and I had to go and teach the grade 4-7 class on Agriculture. Before going, I had the opportunity to pray with Sienna. It is such a privilege to be able to share so much more than simply academics with these students - I know that that is truly why the Lord has brought me here.     

 I pray that you may be inspired, encouraged, and challenged by Sienna as I know that I have learned a great deal from her. On Monday she prayed to give her life to love and follow Jesus. Despite the violence and hatred around her, she understands the love of God as her source of strength, hope and truth. As is promised for her, and for all of us who trust in the Lord Jesus as our Savior:

        "The LORD will guide you always; 
       he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land 
       and will strengthen your frame. 
       You will be like a well-watered garden, 
       like a spring whose waters never fail."
       -Isaiah 58:11  

* Name changed for privacy reasons